Redefining Myself

I played soccer in college and coached high school soccer in the off season, so by the time I graduated my identity was very much wrapped around being an athlete.  While I was student teaching the following spring, I tore my ACL playing in a spring league.  Since I couldn’t take any time off while student teaching, I had to wait three months to have surgery, and then it was another six months of physical therapy and such before I could really start exercising regularly.  During that time I learned to adjust to a new version of myself.  It seems like there are moments in our lives like these that call for us to shift who we are.

 Now that I am a mom, I am here again, changing, but also trying to remain true to myself.  A huge part of me is adventure, so I romantically envisioned myself with my baby on my back, but continuing on.  I’m finding it a bit more complicated, though.  In trying to decide upon a travel destination, we considered Costa Rica.  My parents bravely moved our family to Costa Rica when I was 11 months old.  If they can do it, I can visit there for a week, right?  I had an amazing time with 3 of my girlfriends over a Spring Break several years ago.  I would feel totally comfortable taking my daughter there.  Then reality hits.

We have to go in the summer, rainy season.  No problem; she’ll need afternoon naps every day, anyways!  Then I envision our car stuck in the mud, or rolling over, with my sweet little girl.  Who is this person?  I have never been one to think of these scenarios.  Stop it!  Then I remember the flying cockroaches.  They won’t hurt her—it’s okay.  Oh, but those mosquitoes.  No big deal when it’s just me, but my precious baby?  I don’t want her to have to suffer.  Can I put Jungle Juice on my 1 year old?  Probably not.  Hmmm…

As I read the descriptions of all the great things to do, I want to go zip lining again.  It was my favorite.  Ele can just ride with me, right?  Or Rick can just hold her while I go, and then he can go.  Maybe we can ride horses?  Oh, I suppose we shouldn’t.  

I will take our girl to Costa Rica, but maybe not while she’s this young, too young for malaria pills, it seems.  I don’t want to allow for my fears to take over.  I want to teach Ele to be a risk taker, and traveling is such a great way to teach her so many things.  I know that we would have an amazing trip with her if we did go, but I am going to try another idea, and hope this one doesn’t get cast down as I try to keep that piece of myself that I love.

All pictures taken by me on an old fashioned film camera! 1) Monteverde Cloud Rain Forest 2)Manuel Antonio National Park 3) Dominical 4) Monteverde Cloud Rain Forest