Saturday, June 9, 2012

Redefining Myself

I played soccer in college and coached high school soccer in the off season, so by the time I graduated my identity was very much wrapped around being an athlete.  While I was student teaching the following spring, I tore my ACL playing in a spring league.  Since I couldn’t take any time off while student teaching, I had to wait three months to have surgery, and then it was another six months of physical therapy and such before I could really start exercising regularly.  During that time I learned to adjust to a new version of myself.  It seems like there are moments in our lives like these that call for us to shift who we are.

 Now that I am a mom, I am here again, changing, but also trying to remain true to myself.  A huge part of me is adventure, so I romantically envisioned myself with my baby on my back, but continuing on.  I’m finding it a bit more complicated, though.  In trying to decide upon a travel destination, we considered Costa Rica.  My parents bravely moved our family to Costa Rica when I was 11 months old.  If they can do it, I can visit there for a week, right?  I had an amazing time with 3 of my girlfriends over a Spring Break several years ago.  I would feel totally comfortable taking my daughter there.  Then reality hits.

We have to go in the summer, rainy season.  No problem; she’ll need afternoon naps every day, anyways!  Then I envision our car stuck in the mud, or rolling over, with my sweet little girl.  Who is this person?  I have never been one to think of these scenarios.  Stop it!  Then I remember the flying cockroaches.  They won’t hurt her—it’s okay.  Oh, but those mosquitoes.  No big deal when it’s just me, but my precious baby?  I don’t want her to have to suffer.  Can I put Jungle Juice on my 1 year old?  Probably not.  Hmmm…

As I read the descriptions of all the great things to do, I want to go zip lining again.  It was my favorite.  Ele can just ride with me, right?  Or Rick can just hold her while I go, and then he can go.  Maybe we can ride horses?  Oh, I suppose we shouldn’t.  

I will take our girl to Costa Rica, but maybe not while she’s this young, too young for malaria pills, it seems.  I don’t want to allow for my fears to take over.  I want to teach Ele to be a risk taker, and traveling is such a great way to teach her so many things.  I know that we would have an amazing trip with her if we did go, but I am going to try another idea, and hope this one doesn’t get cast down as I try to keep that piece of myself that I love.

All pictures taken by me on an old fashioned film camera! 1) Monteverde Cloud Rain Forest 2)Manuel Antonio National Park 3) Dominical 4) Monteverde Cloud Rain Forest

1 comment:

  1. Oh how I know exactly what you are feeling. This is why we haven't gone ANYWHERE since having kids. I know a lot of people think we're crazy for not venturing out, but it's just not worth it to us right now. I think when the girls are old enough to not need naps, when we can travel without strollers or bulky car seats, then we will consider bigger vacations. For now, we'll enjoy vacations closer to home or visiting family and cousins and just having fun playing.